Attachment is an obsessive bond to heal that is created between the Ego and objects, events, situations, people and prevents you from fully experiencing love. Whoever is in a state of attachment experiences the bond with suffering, with craving and heaviness; that bond so strong and dense, it holds it in one state of slavery and addiction . Proceeding in the path of spiritual growth , this bond is weakened, step by step, until it dissolves completely.
Who dissolved the bonds of attachment dependence can he choose to experience every physical, emotional and mental pleasure ; he can undertake the relationships he wishes, therefore he does not deprive himself of situations, events that previously had kept him in check. He can choose to live them precisely because, having overcome attachment, he can now choose not to live them. The way to practice this reality without attachment is obviously different.
The gift of healing
Healing attachment to fully experience love is a consequence of advancing on the spiritual path. The further one proceeds, the more the obsessive and hypnotic bonds with the objects of this plane of reality will be thinned. Dissolving the bonds of attachment is one of the gifts that are received with the spiritual path , some aspects of people’s evolution, with their continuous advancement, lead to the weakening of attachment as a direct consequence.
This is the reason why attachment is used as a yardstick to monitor one’s progress . When the object, person, event of our attachment moves away, gets lost, disappears (or threatens to do so), there is an emotional reaction that clearly provides us with the weight, the strength of the level of our attachment and therefore of our improvements in this sense.
Lighting the way
Words have some limits and in the attempt to express concepts that go beyond the sphere of the mental, there is the risk on the one hand of trivializing, in an attempt to clarify, and on the other of being incomprehensible, in an attempt to be more accurate.
How can you explain what it feels like to feel a life grow and give birth to a child if you haven’t experienced it firsthand? How can you describe the feeling of cycling for the first time without wheels? What words can we use to describe the feeling we felt when looking at the clouds from above for the first time, flying over them in an airplane?
Some experiences can only be lived and they make sense only in the first person. I will therefore only indicate the themes that are most useful to the path of healing from attachment , to facilitate each one’s own unique path of research.
The pillars of attachment
We think of attachment as a block of stone , resting on a very high table. We can’t lift the stone block, we can’t even touch it. However, we can saw the table legs, first make them thinner and then, one by one, tear them down. When we have dented the pillars that hold the table, the attachment will no longer have supports and will fall to the ground. We can therefore analyze what are the pillars that support this table and what are the tools to address them.
Pillar 1 – Identification: I am everything I am
There are various stages of identification that the human being can go through.
It starts with one’s body, hence the phrase: “ I am what I see ”, I can touch my flesh, I can move my muscles: therefore this body is me.
We also experience emotions, which when they are strong can be physically perceived, the next step is therefore to think: “ I am what I feel “.
We return to this level of awareness in those moments when we no longer feel strong emotions for a long time, without which we don’t seem to exist, we feel empty and devoid of stimuli.
If I am the emotions I feel, when I don’t feel emotions: I am not .
Overcoming the “cogito ergo sum”
Overcoming this stage we find the world of thoughts; our mind tells us what we see, finds explanations for what we feel, it is a tool to tell us and others about our life and to develop plans and make sense of what concerns us.
This narrative voice becomes such a constant background that you come to think you are your own mind: “ I am what I think “.
Descartes confused the ideas of many generations with his “cogito ergo sum”, the reality is exactly the opposite: “I am, therefore I think” .
Who thinks he is his mind, his thoughts, his internal chatter is perhaps convinced that he is no longer body and emotions? No, each stage contains the previous one, but to say “I am” is not just a description of one’s nature; to identify oneself is to give the scepter of command to one of our parts.
Which mind commands?
So those who believe they are what they feel will give more weight to emotions, use them as a compass for their decisions and to establish the directions of their life. There are not a few people who seek emotions, before any other value , in what they do and evaluate events based on how they make them feel. For many, it is more important to have fun, to be passionate, to be spontaneous than to plan.
Similarly, those who identify with their mind are aware that they have a material body and have emotions, the mind is placed in command of the whole organism , is the tool with which objectives are established, with which events are evaluated and it is the engine, or rather calculator, with which the data of each day, past and predictions about the future are processed.
These people also have emotions and feelings (and no less strong), which however are relegated to a lower level (subordinate), as pleasant or unpleasant effects, but not as tools to operate and decide. They can be very desired effects, but emotions and feelings remain and therefore products of the command system and not adequate to direct action or process internal and external information.
Healing attachment to experience love requires you to overcome this level of identification by meeting yourself. See your soul nature and experience that a higher consciousness also exists , our more complete and subtle identity, which is the true expression of our nature (see Pillar 3).
Pillar 2 – Nature is movement: what does not grow, dies
On the level of material reality, everything is in motion. Everything changes and the state of every living being, situation or relationship is directed towards growth or towards decay . What does not grow, dies. This is true for a flower, as is true for every being, every activity, every relationship. There is no form of immobility and by observing this characteristic of nature, one can gradually let go of the illusion that people remain as they are or as we imagine them to be.
Nothing can remain motionless, nature always moves, either towards growth or towards death. We can abandon the fantasy that every situation, event, relationship can remain stationary over time, identical to itself. This is initially a painful step, because if there is nothing stable and fixed, there is not even something to lean on, with the certainty that it will not crumble and disappear.
Change the rooting
To overcome this sense of bewilderment, we need to modify the system on which the rooting is based. We need to start turning the tree upside down. If the tree first sank its roots in a soil that cannot give us guarantees, by turning the roots upwards, these will be able to find new dimensions of being in which to take root. By discovering one’s spiritual nature one will also find the connection with everything , which has been, is and will be.
The roots of our Tree will be able to free themselves from the unstable and ephemeral ground in which they had swayed all their life and take root upwards, not through beliefs, concepts, but experiencing one’s light nature and grounding oneself in one’s direct experience of the subtle universe , in the whole, in the one. In the whole there is no root that can waver, it can take root solidly and allow the branches and leaves, which remain here on the physical plane, to be shaken but no longer uprooted.
Pillar 3 – Meeting yourself: the end of need
To meet oneself and heal attachment, it is necessary to experience love to move one’s consciousness to higher planes than the material and visible one . This shift of consciousness can also happen by chance, after a trauma, in a dream, upon waking up early in the morning or after a very unexpected event.
If you don’t want to wait for it to happen by accident, you’ll have to start meditate , with practice you will be able to raise your consciousness more and more easily, until the moment you meet your true nature.
During meditation there are beautiful moments, every day we dedicate ourselves to meditating, the moments filled with peace and meaning increase, but how can you understand if you have managed to meet yourself?
How to evaluate progress in meditation
When this moment of contact occurs it is easily recognizable by five factors:
- The silence that one feels has a new and never experienced density, it is a full silence, which nourishes and regenerates;
- There is no memory and perception of pain, as if it were only a theoretical concept, but it no longer had a concrete meaning;
- Everything we contemplate is perfect, everything we see we observe without judgment, everything is in the form, in the moment what is right;
- We can see our past and present, clearly dividing the outside from the inside. To distinguish what was the external influence from our nature, even if over time it has mixed with our history until it becomes confused. Now we can see exactly our original color and everything that happened to change our being externally.
- We see ourselves completely, without judgment, accepting everything that we are, that we have been, looking at the long path and accepting ourselves with compassionate love and kindness. Seeing each other with love and acceptance, in all its complexity, allows us to welcome the mind, heart, body, spirit of our every moment. It allows us to take care of every part, however small, of our earthly experience.
During meditation, you will begin to develop your own every day spiritual intelligence , it will be thanks to this that you will be able to meet and see yourself, this meeting will happen in a higher place of the mind. When you can see things from that perspective, it will be impossible to continue giving the rational mind or feelings all the importance and power they had before.
The mind can be treated as an excellent tool to elaborate regarding the rational plan, the same will be true for the feelings and the emotic plan. Each one related to his domain where the whole is the spiritual intelligence. In the same way, the fruits of the mind and heart will find their place: thoughts, beliefs, emotions, desires, beliefs, goals.
No part of the physical body is unimportant , everything has its meaning in its coordinated and harmonious motion, so mind, heart and soul and their products are elements full of meaning. Seen from the outside, in their harmonious whole, they will find their proper place and the right importance in the general framework.
Pillar 4 – Seeing Others: Freeing yourself from judgment
When we can see ourselves, with complete acceptance and love, we are ready to see outside ourselves and welcome the nature of the other , with the same love and the same kindness. The people around us act in a pleasant or unpleasant way, make us happy or make us suffer, behave as we expect or disregard our expectations.
If we let go of judgment completely, we can simply observe how everyone acts on many conflicts, in reaction to traumas from the near and distant past, to dreams about the future that are often not fully understood. Each person is a soul that has suffered the violence of an education that has placed it in a cage of rules and expectations, with attached regulations of what is right and what must be done and what is wrong and must be avoided. Every soul has been brainwashed by society , immediately after forgetting the way home.
We are a constellation of contradictions
Each one has gone through his or her personal history, becoming an intricate knot of impulses, hopes, desires, expected and unfulfilled duties, feelings of guilt, confusion and memories. We are all one constellation of contradictions between energies, needs, beliefs and destinations in conflict with each other. Not many are able to see both the conflict of these internal forces and the coherence of this organic system , which in every moment seeks the way to move towards a better destination, among those that can be practiced, and to open new paths for tomorrow.
When we can see the other we can stop suffering for his actions or words and for his shortcomings. The rooster wakes up and sings, the threatened snake bites, the frightened pigeon flies away. Everyone follows his nature : if I expect a pigeon to sing in the morning, the suffering is caused by my idea which is far from the true nature of that creature . The pigeon behaves as it should, and rightly so; if I expect it to behave differently, suffering is something that I have manufactured by myself and therefore I have a chance to get rid of it .
Pillar 5 – The layers of being: the emanations of the soul
When you are able to see and accept yourself you can be able to see others by accepting them: their actions may still give us pleasure or displeasure, but we will have the tools to get out of suffering . With the exit from the identification we will have reached a point of observation closer to the root of our soul, but if someone hits us on the face this causes pain. His body hit our body.
In the same way, insults can happen that hurt our ego, behaviors that damage us or the absence of gestures that give us pleasure can create a feeling of discomfort. The different natures of our being do not cease to exist as soon as we have taken the consciousness to higher planes.
Having a point of view from above, however, allows us to understand in the right perspective that pleasure, sorrow, that desire or sense of need that one of our energy bodies can feel. The desire for a certain type of food, the attraction to a person, to any object, are things we have learned during this earthly life. If we were born in another nation, with another body, we would have different desires.
This does not weaken the desires, it puts them back in the right context, that is emanations of the emotional body , derived partly from learning and partly from the biology of the physical body.
Every drive, desire, urgency, is therefore listened to, like the voice of a specific part, with the awareness of being that part too but beyond that part.
Pillar 6 – The separation: overcoming the distance
By developing spiritual intelligence, yes reduces the distance between us and others , until you feel, see, feel that there is no separation on an energetic level. We are all interconnected , drops of the sea, all united.
At the soul level there is no space that divides us and in the eternal transformation of each of these frequency waves, the totality of the One moves.
There is no rational way to assimilate this concept, you can only live and to experience it is enough increase spiritual intelligence , day after day, through its use. Just use it to make it mature.
Common practices for using spiritual intelligence are meditation, various forms of prayer, and practical bioenergetic disciplines that make use of high frequency energy, such as Reiki or Qi Gong.
Distance and loss
Distance is something that we have all experienced, in the material plane, in which to move from point A to point B, we need some time, the larger the shift, the longer it will take.
However, our complete reality is on multiple planes of existence. the body lives on the material one, where to move it must follow the physical laws, thoughts, emotions. Spiritual intelligence and our soul live simultaneously on other worlds, where other laws exist.
In the soul planes, the concept of displacement does not exist: everything is in every place .
When you can experience this connection, there will no longer be any fear of losing something or someone, we never actually have anything of our own, everything is on loan, even if it is earned honestly. We never lose anyone , just as there is no way to keep someone tied to us and control them, so there is no way for them to disappear.
Useful tools to heal attachment to live love
Healing attachment to live love means eroding the six pillars. Some concepts we have already encountered, such as meeting oneself and practicing spiritual intelligence through meditation, prayer and high frequency energy disciplines.
Let’s see other tools that can help us on this journey.
Tool 1 – The observer ego
L’ I observer it is the easiest tool to obtain and those who already practice meditation constantly, if they have not already managed to develop it, will surely find it easy to understand how to do it.
Every day, we live situations in an intense way, thoughts and emotions envelop us and filter the external world, which comes to us colored in a different way according to our inner state. Everyone experiences the world firsthand, spectator of a film with which he constantly interacts. The development of the observer ego allows us to shift the frame of the life we live. Exit the scene and watch us while we are living our life.
You don’t need to do it all the time, the important thing is to learn how to do it, always better, so that when the situation becomes too dense , with thoughts too clouded or pressing, with unpleasant or too strong emotions, we are able to activate the observer ego and get out of the scene, look at ourselves from the outside, observe ourselves while thoughts and emotions take their course.
We don’t have to banish those thoughts or fight emotions, just look at them, just contemplate them. On leaving the scene, we are shifting, albeit slightly, the anchor point of our consciousness . As long as you are inside your thoughts and inside your emotions you cannot see them well. You have to move up to succeed, it takes very little.
How can you know if you have activated the observing ego or are you just thinking about what you think and feel otherwise? Simply by watching your reactions, if while observing your thoughts you are in a state of inner silence , although the thoughts are chaotic, you managed to get out of their sphere of influence . If observing your emotions your soul is calm, you have gone out enough and you observe from the outside. The quality of your inner silence and your tranquility will give you the yardstick to understand if you have moved your consciousness enough or you need to raise it a few centimeters more.
Tool 2 – Observe attachment
Each object: event, person, situation, concept, to which we are attached by attachment, generates suffering when it is absent. The more we are attached, the more we suffer even at the thought of being deprived of it, distanced from it, losing it. It is therefore very useful to observe attachment practice periods of voluntary abstinence from the object in question .
Break the addiction , even if briefly, it allows us to observe, thanks to the instance of the observing ego, the reactions of our bodies (physical, emotional, mental).
Observing what happens when we are away from the object, allows us to get to know ourselves better, see what happens and how our energies react. Being away from our addiction, even if briefly, allows us to understand how dependent we are from that object.
There is no choice in addiction
Often it is enough to imagine losing the object of our attachment to realize it. Healing attachment to live love is impossible if we don’t get rid of that addiction. We will never be able to live openly, freely and full of love. It will always be slavery.
We must not exaggerate with the periods of distancing from the object of longing. The best solution is always the gradual one, because the aim is not to break the bond but to observe it .
When you manage to have less attachment, then you can lengthen the period of detachment, with a very different purpose. That of recognize and deepen their needs and start coping with it on your own.
Every human being must find the resources to look after his or her basic well-being, so that every external pleasure is a choice and not an obligation. Any need that you can find an answer to within your worlds is a resource that you are releasing for its full and complete enjoyment in freedom.
Tool 3 – Religions
To heal attachment to live love, religion can be good start point . Suitable for those who are at the beginning of their spiritual path and see it from an original perspective. In every age of the world, cultures have produced different religions, these had, among other purposes, that of connecting individuals to the world of higher energies and finally to the divine.
Seen in this perspective, religion is a first, basic, support for learning to deal with issues related to spiritual evolution. Each religion expresses practices to use one’s heavenly nature and prohibitions to keep one’s instinctual nature at bay.
It is therefore deal with in evolutionary perspective , those that have been treated as indisputable and dogmatic tomes. Try to read texts from various cult sources, without focusing on the rational material, the type of history and concepts that are exposed, but remaining open and listening to what resonates in your soul .
Read between the lines
The sacred texts are almost all written with a little “ light blue ink “. When you find what is right for you, you will hear one inner resonance : is the signal that those words are speaking the right language that you are ready to listen .
This allows you to get started listen with spiritual intelligence and no longer only with the mind. The more you practice and use spiritual intelligence, the stronger your roots will be and the broader your vision will be. Spiritual intelligence is a fundamental gift for healing attachment and living love.
Over time, you will be able to hear the strength of the universe in every sacred text, or in every writing that is in connection with the light and not only the fruit of the ego and reason. It will be like catch a scent in words , to do this, start with what is most in tune and closest to you, even if it were a poet or a painter, there is “light blue ink “in many corners of the world.
Tool 6: practice of presence
The practice of presence has returned to fashion in recent times, but its roots are beyond the fashions of the moment. Practicing presence is nothing more than that return present to oneself , centered and focused on what you are experiencing in the present moment. We could say that returning to the present moment is a form of mind centering .
The simplest way to do this is bring all attention to what is happening , on the actions you are performing or the scenes you are observing. When the mind wanders elsewhere, it simply brings the attention back to the here and now, continuing to focus on the now. It is an effective aid to stop the rumination and heal attachment to live love.
Practice, practice, practice.
Read many books on the power of now , on the practice of presence, on the techniques of spiritual awakening is something that can be interesting and can help. The truth however is that each text will not make you increase an inch on your spiritual path instead of postponing the practice until you have read ten books, it is better start right away , find every trick to remind you to be there, multiple times throughout the day, and practice right away.
For example, you can put an alarm every two hours that reminds you to turn off the autopilot and come back present in the here and now. You can decide that every time you receive a text message, before reading it, return to it for twenty seconds. Or before opening a door, every time you go to the bathroom, when you open the pack of cigarettes. Before acting, be present to yourself for at least twenty seconds.
You are familiar with your automatic actions, which you can easily dismantle with presence exercises. But I recommend to be always present before eating , you will enjoy your meals much more.
Attachment has its roots in everyone in a different way. Observing oneself in the absence of judgment to understand where and on what object there is this need is fundamental to heal attachment and live love.
As the spiritual journey progresses you will have more and more tools to heal the areas where that need has settled and broaden your vision of the world, of others and above all of yourself. You will see more things and each will go through you deeply. You will come to recognize yourself as part of the whole and therefore everything and every person, as part of you.
Practice and advice
Practice is necessary for the development of a solid spiritual intelligence, themes of this type certainly cannot be summarized or explained using words alone. For this reason I have not dwelled on every type of pillar that supports attachment, nor on every existing instrument for their destruction.
On the one hand, I dedicated myself to practical advice, also useful for those at the beginning of the journey, letting the rest be told without using words, so that those who already can read between the lines , from these sentences will be able get the hint he needs .